Assertive behaviour is about expressing your feelings, thoughts and wishes. It is about standing up for your rights without violating the rights of others. It is saying what you mean and having self-respect and respect for others. Assertiveness is not a personality trait- it is a skill you can acquire. Sometimes we find it difficult to be assertive with family or colleagues but easy with strangers.

If you would like to act assertively, especially in a stressful or difficult situation you must first have self-belief believe that you can do it. By acting assertively we
get more of what we want out of situations, which leads to our self-esteem building and gives us the confidence to go on acting and behaving assertively.

It is important to know yourself before you start to get to know other people and before other people can get to know you. It is worthwhile taking the time to reflect on your own assertiveness skills before working on how to improve them. Think about the following questions and how you would answer them in regard to how you would normally behave.

• In a difficult meeting with tempers running high to you speak up with confidence?
• If you are unsure of something, can you easily ask for help?
• How do you react to criticism?
• How do you deal with senior people?
• Are you influenced greatly by the opinions of those around you? Do you believe in your own opinion?
• Can you accept praise?
• Can you say what you mean?

The assertive person respects themselves and others around them. They accept both their own good and bad points and as a result, they are more capable of
accepting others. They are responsible for decisions and choices in their own life. They ask directly and openly for what they need and want. The assertive person is never at the mercy of the approval of other people – rejection does not bring on the devastation. Being assertive can be confused with being awkward. Behaviour such as shouting, screaming or stamping foot confused with assertiveness. These are behaviour options but none of them reflect assertive traits. Being assertive gives a person the best chance of resolving a situation in a satisfactory manner.

Asserting yourself is something that only you can do. It doesn’t happen overnight, but developing certain aspects of your own personality and eliminating some of the negative ones can be one of the most rewarding things anyone can do with regard to long-term happiness and fulfillment.

If you would like to learn more about assertiveness and how to develop certain aspects of your personality in order to become assertive our highly skilled
therapists here at the Horizon Mental Health Clinic would be happy to help.

Sinead Fahy